Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Apex Predator

I haven't had a lot of time to write lately - I apologize about the dearth of posts. Rest assured, Bast has done a lot of stupid things to report, but I thought I'd give a mini-entry of one of my many failures instead and give him a break.

This afternoon I was preparing Bast's raw food for the week, which involves separating everything, setting aside enough for the week, and then packing up and freezing what I'm not going to use in the next few days. I usually like to do this with gloves on because of a bad experience with salmonella poisoning when I was young. For those who aren't aware of what all salmonella does to you, I'll give you a summation: you vomit and shit yourself until you become afraid you might die. After several days of this, your fear shifts, and you're terrified you won't die and will instead live out the rest of your miserable (and hopefully brief) days being wrung out by violent contractions that expel everything moist in your body.

So yeah, gloves.

I was in the process of trying to shake out an empty chicken bag and needed my bare hands. Since my other hand was, of course, coated in gore, the only logical option my tired mind came up with apparently was to grab the chickeny glove with my mouth and tug it off.

I stood there for a moment, meat-splattered, yellow glove dangling from my bare teeth, raw chicken fluids trailing down my chin, and briefly contemplated my supposed position as the most intelligent creature in the house.

Please, lord, I hope I die quickly.


  1. Nasty. I am seriously gagging at this...

  2. Laughing way to hard at this!!

    ~DZ Dogs